Manual

Manual from Alex Drost on Vimeo.

Manual: Personal Narrative Alexander Drost I like to think of myself as educated, But mostly I am not sure of anything. In fact, the more I learn, the more I realize how little I know. When people ask what I do, I say that I am an artist. Even though I feel like I am lying when I say it. I don't know what my plans are after graduation. I have never had a solo exhibit. I have never been paid to make art for somewhere, and I have never won any awards. I know I am not valuable, I know what my odds are. There are always so many questions. I don't know if I'll ever have kids. I don't know if love exists. I don't know if there is a reason why we are here. I don't know if humans deserve the world. I don't know if my voice is one to be heard. I don't know if anyone wants to hear it. I don't know if it's all worthwhile. I don't know which city or state or country or continent is best. And I don't know if I will ever see them. I don't know if my friends will stay in touch. I don't know why I just left. I don't know anything about time; I don't know how to feel about it. I don't know if life is only just to die. But no one wants to hear that, especially from me. I don't know how to get there, or how long it will take. It is just a part of that inevitability. I make art because I like to build with my hands and I like to think. I do not do it as an escape or an outlet. I like to criticize, to analyze, to break down what is not working and why. For some reason, I feel the need to contribute to that conversation. Maybe I am just curious. Maybe I don't know how to sympathize. I don't know how to give a speech. I don't know how to act. Where are the rules? What is allowed to be broken? I need a little help. Where is the manual?