Narrative in video based on Personal Narrative:
If it is to be, it is up to me.
Dad,
I love you more than anything. I do, and so that’s where I want to start. You are the reason that I am where I am today and why I am able to do what I am doing. You support me in everything that I do and I am extremely thankful for that. You have been there for me as long as I can remember, never doubting me and always pushing me to excel. Teaching me your motto: “If it is to be, it is up to me”, the 10 2-letter words. I have been hearing that from you for as long as I can remember. It is engrained into me. It has made me that much closer to you and work that much harder to be everything you wanted in me.
However, for a very long time there has been a large gap in our relationship. You see, you were the star athlete, playing and excelling in numerous sports, ultimately becoming a division 1 athlete at Texas Tech University. And I…didn’t. I was a mediocre swimmer most of my life who eventually went on to place in state, but I never won. I would never be good enough to go anywhere on scholarship, and it just wasn’t where my heart was. The only reasons I swam were to hang out with my friends and to impress you. I never did any of the team sports because I just wasn’t any good at them. And that crushed you, or at least I think that it did. I could always sense you yearning for me to do sports — you kept pushing me to try and try out, but I just hated it and couldn’t do it. On the other hand, I excelled in school, rarely needing to put in any sort of effort to make straight A’s throughout high school, and even into college. You rewarded me for my ‘efforts’ in school. You take so much pride in this aspect of my life. I see you smile every time you say that I was valedictorian. But when it comes to my true passion in life, the thing that I work so hard at, I can barely get you to scratch the surface of that overwhelming pride you have in me.
Your…lack of pride let’s call it, is existent simply because my passion is in something that, until I arrived you had no interest in: my love of Theatre and Technical Production work. While you are extremely supportive of me, it just doesn’t interest you. I have tried time and again to make you interested in my field, tried to prove to you it is a real career and not just a hobby, but you still keep telling me I need to take accounting classes. Asking me to run the bank just continues to prove that my passion and love are, to you, just that and not a viable job or major choice. The other day someone asked you how a guy who played D1 basketball ends up with a son in the performing arts, and you said “it has certainly broadened my horizons.” I heard just a little bit of regret in that when you said it, as if you wished I could be something different.
When I started working for the marketing department and you heard that I could get a Letterman’s Jacket for my efforts, your eyes lit up, like that was your dream. And then I wore it that first day I saw you when I had it and I could tell, I could see how proud you were of me. Even though what I was doing was just a hobby you acted like having this silly jacket was better than anything. I’ve won awards for my designs on shows, and I wish that you would show that pride in what I love to do.
One day I want to have my name in lights, literally. I want to be on the cover of a Broadway Playbill, I want to win a Tony, and when I’m standing there after achieving the highest honor that one in my field can reach I want you to smile at me and be able to swell with pride at my accomplishment, and it wasn’t sports, or grades, it was Lighting Design. You always told me to follow the 10-2 letter words: “If it is to be, it is up to me.” The Byron Mantra. The Bateman way of life. And here I am telling myself if I want you to have pride in my work, I need to prove to you that I can do it. I am the one who needs to make it happen, and while sometimes, late at night, I wish I didn’t have to prove anything to you; I am glad that I do. It will make my own personal victory that much sweeter. When I see that look on your face, those tears in your eyes, because of something I’ve done. Then that gap in our relationship will be closed and we can be father and son.
Love,
Your favorite Son
No comments:
Post a Comment