Multimodal Video
Password: fc2014
At the beginning
of my sophomore year, I lost myself.
Every action I took only brought me deeper into this world and soon
enough I was drowning in unfamiliarity, pretending to be someone I’m not, and
doing things to please other people instead of myself. The person who pulled me out of this is
someone I will love for the rest of my life.
I ran into him by chance that night and although we had not
seen each other in a year, I felt a wave of relief flood over me the instant I
saw him. We spent the night getting to
know each other again and when he kissed me, I felt the ground beneath my feet
for the first time in months. He was
strong, he was sturdy, and he guided me out of this unfamiliar world into a
place where I felt safe. And so we fell into
each other’s arms. Slowly, and then all at once, I found myself in love with
this man.
It
consumed both of us and we lost ourselves in our love for one another. He
reminded me of who I was and it was not the person I had been pretending to
be. His kind heart made me a better
person. I stopped hanging out with
people who did not make me want to be a better person and learned to love
myself. He taught me that kindness is a
virtue and a gift given to the people in your life who deserve it. We
were complete opposites in interests, yet every minute spent away from him I
felt that a piece of me was missing. He became my best friend and in that I
trusted him more than anyone else. After only a few months I was sure that I wanted
to spend the rest of my life with him. I
was certain, and it was love.
But, the thing
about this kind of love is that it is not meant to last forever. It is unhealthy. And just as my love for him pulled us
together, it pushed me away. Little by little I became unhappy with the life we
were living. He stopped taking care of
himself, and instead focused all his energy on taking care of me, and it
suffocated me. I grew angry and spiteful towards him and I could not explain
why. He loved me so much that he stopped
being aware of me. We lost who we were
in our love for one another. When he
stopped remembering who I am, what I stand for, and stopped caring about my
needs because he was too busy loving me, that was when I realized it was over.
He was drowning, but I could not reach him the same way he reached me; he did
not want to be saved. Three months ago I
knew we would be together forever. And
now, his heart is broken and I am trying not to forget. I do not want to forget. I want to remember
what it felt like to be that in love. And now that we are not, I have to learn
how to deal with that.
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